we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
