What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The adults are the big ones right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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