Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
