Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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