Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
