I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
