Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
