i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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