you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
