I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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