Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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