question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
