i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
