so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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