There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
