it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize