Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We left the knife in your bed.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
