Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
