Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dick very happy bro
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
