I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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