Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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