Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize