I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
