eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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