I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
