Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
