I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
