Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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