JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
