very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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