Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
