Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
