last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
