Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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