Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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