Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
