what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
