i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
