did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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