That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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