I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
