True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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