i think my mom watched the whole time
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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