He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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