Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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