if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
