Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
