yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
