I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
