I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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