I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
