Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
