GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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