Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
