I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
