What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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