she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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