You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
