and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
