God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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