no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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