I take back everything I said about communal showers
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
