I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
