I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
