My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
