i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize