Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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