we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
