i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
