it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
