that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
