Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
