so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
