I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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